Transcriptions

[Krulle]

► Show Spoiler

SFX: Ka-Splash

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SFX: Thu-Clank Thu-Clang Clank

Elite guard: Ready men! After the next spear attack, we charge!

Kin: Well, I've exhausted my supply of bolts and since they've managed to acquire and collocate tower shields, your spear is exasperatingly useless!
Sign: ...n... .o keys ...eously

Chief: Well your bolts haven't been much help either! I thought you said they were enchanted!

Kin: These are self loading, range enhanced bolts that regrow themselves inside the quiver, giving the user an interminable supply!
Sign: .o tu.. ...y keys ...neo...

Kin: However, they do house a number of inutilities including a -1 to damage, being extremely brittle and taking an hour for the regrowth. They were created by the same magic that turned the Goblin Slayer into...
Sign: .o ...y key. ...eously

Chief: Okay, okay! You don't have to always explain every little thing! No one cares!

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Kin: Fine, whatever. Let's just go.
Chief: Go? Go where? I'm not leaving.

Kin: Those guards are going to charge! It's imperative that we flee!
Chief: I'm not leaving until the gate is open!
Kin: How is relinquishing your life going to open the gate?!

SFX: Thump Thak Thwump

Elite guard: An Ogre! An Ogre on the wall!
Elite guard: Gaah!

Ogre Pan: Hello for hi!
Kobold Takn: Raah!
Drow Ora: Aah!

Ogre Pan: 'kay!
SFX: Fwump
SFX: Crack
Ogre Pan: 'kay!
SFX: Fwack

Drow Ora: Quick, throw that Human off the wall!
Ogre Pan: 'kay!

SFX: Cangg

Drow Ora: Oh, oh, well I guess...
Drow Ora: ...I guess that works too.

Hobgoblin Scrole: A one-eared Goblin promised us that the city's front gate would be open. How can we help to make this happen?

[Krulle]

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Thaco: Gasp!
SFX: Splash

Dellyn Goblinslayer: What? I've done enough damage to kill any standard Goblin in this realm. How can you still have hit points left?
Badge: Gobli. Slaye.

Dellyn Goblinslayer: Did you drink a potion or something? Are you carrying a magic item that I'm not aware of?

Dellyn Goblinslayer: What is going on with you, Thaco?! I feel like I'm fighting an advent...

Dellyn Goblinslayer: ...
Dellyn Goblinslayer: Oh Gods.
Badge: Gob...

Dellyn Goblinslayer: You've been taking levels as an adventurer, haven't you? That's... that's the most perverted thing I've ever heard of.
SFX: Splish Splish
Badge: Go... Sl...

Dellyn Goblinslayer: After all of your fighting, all your whining about having the right to exist as unique creatures. All you ended up doing was trying to be like me. Like my kind.

Dellyn Goblinslayer: You can deny it until the end of time, but deep down, you know that Goblins are nothing, Thaco! You are XP for low level adventurers!

Dellyn Goblinslayer: And frankly, it terrifies me that you have the audacity to think you're anything more.
SFX: Splish Splish

Dellyn Goblinslayer: Tell me Thaco, what class did you try to be?
Dellyn Goblinslayer: Fighter?
Dellyn Goblinslayer: Barbarian?
Badge: Gob... Slay..

Dellyn Goblinslayer: Rogue?

SFX: Thwup
Badge: G... Sl...

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SFX: Snap

Thaco: Monk

Badge: Gob... Slay..

SFX: Splash

SFX: Splish Splish

SFX: Splash Splash

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SFX: Thwap
Badge: Goblin Slayer

Badge: Gobli. Slayer

SFX: Ka-Splush
SFX: Slashunk

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Dellyn Goblinslayer: Coff
Dellyn Goblinslayer: Nice crit.

Dellyn Goblinslayer: But I keep telling you Thaco...
Dellyn Goblinslayer: ...I'm a high level ranger and Ihave a lot of hit po...

Dellyn Goblinslayer: Hurrnnn!

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Dellyn Goblinslayer: Nnnn!

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Dellyn Goblinslayer: Rrrrraaaahh

Dellyn Goblinslayer: aaaaaaaaCome on!

Thaco: Now Dellyn...

Thaco: ...bleed for me.

[Krulle]

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Dellyn Goblinslayer: Aaah!

SFX: Shunk

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SFX: Shchunk

Dellyn Goblinslayer: Heh
Dellyn Goblinslayer: Heh

Dellyn Goblinslayer: Heh
Dellyn Goblinslayer: Ha!
Dellyn Goblinslayer: Ha ha ha!

Dellyn Goblinslayer: Fine Thaco. Okay. Fine. I took your ear and made it into a trophy, so go ahead. You take my ear back to your clan and preserve it.

Dellyn Goblinslayer: Spend the rest of your life passing it around the campfire and telling them all about how you killed the mighty Goblin Slayer. Tell the story of this battle to your children's children. It'll be the greatest accomplishment of your clan and you know what'll happen?

Dellyn Goblinslayer: I'll be a legend forever. So you go ahead and kill me. A hundred years form now, your descendants will tell ghost stories about me. The trophy in your hand will be a priceless relic. The tale of how Thaco finally killed his arch nemesis will spread from clan to clan as...

Thaco: You're not my nemesis.

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Dellyn Goblinslayer: What?

Thaco: You're not my nemesis, this battle is not story worthy, and this...

SFX: Booip
Thaco: ...is no trophy.

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Dellyn Goblinslayer: I am captain Dellyn Goblinslayer, the saviour of Brass...

Thaco: You're some Human that I fought in the early levels of my adventuring career.
Thaco: You're a random encounter.

Thaco: And you're not worth the XP I'd get for killing you,

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Dellyn Goblinslayer: Thaco!
Dellyn Goblinslayer: Thacoooo!
Dellyn Goblinslayer: I am the greatest adventurer this world has ever seen!
Dellyn Goblinslayer: Killing me is the dream of every Goblin in this realm!
Dellyn Goblinslayer: I am a legend! Thaco!

Dellyn Goblinslayer: No!
Dellyn Goblinslayer: Please!

Dellyn Goblinslayer: Noooo!
Dellyn Goblinslayer: Aaaaaaah!

[Krulle]

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Chief: I already tried that.
Kobold Takn: Nnn!
Chief: It doesn't work.

Kin: No, no, it's not a matter of whether or not we can remove or bypass the outer casing, the inner mechanisms will still require the appropriate keys.
Sign: Four individuals ...ed to turn ...urity keys ...ultaneou..

Drow Ora: Maybe we can push it this way.
Kin: I told you, it won't budge without the keys!

Kobold Takn: So you came up here without a plan? Real smart, Goblin!
Chief: Don't yell at me, Kobold!
Sign: Six pe...

Kin: Do you think that you can diminish the intensity of your altercation while the Hobgoblin and I try to create a way to open the gate?
Sign: .eys ...usly

Kobold Takn: "Diminish the intensity of..." Would you shut up? no one talks like that! You don't sound smart, you sound like an idiot!

Kin: Hey! During times of stress, I suffer from an exponentially redundant...
Sign: ...r ind...uals ..eded to turn .ecurity key. ..multaneou...

Kobold Takn: Oh someone knock out the wordgasming snake with boobs before I bite her throat!
Ogre Pan: Yelling.
Sign: Six peo...

Hobgoblin Scrole: That's enough, Takn! I don't care how famous you are among Kobolds, I'll throw you off of this wall myself if you start biting allies!
Sign: ...eo...

Kobold Takn: Then you kill her, Scrole!
Ogre Pan: Everyone yelling a lot and a lot.
Sign: Six pe...

Hobgoblin Scrole: Don't tell me what to do!
Kobold Takn: Well who put you in charge?!
Ogre Pan: No yelling, 'kay? No yelling for angry.
Sign: S..

Kin: Your existence demonstrates a flesh to futility ratio that is mathematically staggering!
Kobold Takn: Yeah, well suck it, snake!

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Kin: My magic abilities may be dampened by this collar, but that doesn't mean that I can't...
Sign: ...uals .urn ..ys ...sly
Sign .eo..e ne...
Sign: Wheel to unlo.. use secu... 11, 8,

Ogre Pan: Graaaaah!

SFX: Cru-Hunch
Sign: .ndividuals ...d to turn ...rity keys ...taneously

Sign: ...als ...n ...s ...ly
Sign: Six people need..
Sign: .o unlock w... .ecurity 8, 19 an.

Sign: ...ls
Sign: Six people n... ...n
Sign: to us. 1.
SFX: Shu-Clunk Clakk

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Chief: Okay everybody, let's act as one! I want each of you to take a position at the wheel! Those with tails be aware of the monster behind you!
Chief: On my mark...

SFX: Clang
SFX: Clung
Shout: Rooaar!

SFX: Ca-Chunk Ca-Chunk Ca-Chunk

[Krulle]

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Forehead Ogre: Coward

Forehead Ogre: Coward

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Forehead Ogre: Coward

Forehead Ogre: Coward

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Forehead Ogre: Coward

Forehead Ogre: Coward

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Forehead Kobold: Liar

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Lifepoints Old Goblin: -6

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Lifepoints Old Goblin: -9

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Forehead Ogre: ..wa..

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Forehead Hobgoblin: Thief

[Krulle]

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Kobold Takn: They're killing half of the escaping prisoners!
Kin: Sixty one percent so far.

Drow Ora: Where did all of these crossbow Humans come from? I thought all of the guards were fighting on the ground below!

Hobgoblin Scrole: They may have climbed the wall to get good shots at anyone who made it out of the city.
Kobold Takn: That's crap. They retreated to the wall because they saw that we were wiping them out. I say we go rip 'em apart.

Hobgoblin Scrole: No Takn. We don't know how many guards are on the other side of that archway and...

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Hobgoblin Scrole: You're looking for your friends, aren't you, little Goblin cousin.
Hobgoblin Scrole: I'm sure they're alive.

Drow Ora: Well we can't just run out of here, we'll get shot down like those monsters down there.
Kobold Takn: We need cover.
Hobgoblin Scrole: We need something mobile.

Big Ears: Complains!
Lifepoints Complains of Names: -6

Big Ears: The gate is open!
Complains of Names: I know!
Complains of Names: Most of the monsters have left, but there are a few pockets of battle still going on.
Lifepoints Complains of Names: -6

Complains of Names: We don't have long before the remaining guards notice us.
Forehead Fumbles: Monster
Lifepoints Complains of Names: -6

Complains of Names: Ears, I can't move in the state I'm in and you're already pretty much carrying Fumbles.
Complains of Names: So I want you to listen very carefully...
Lifepoints Complains of Names: -6

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Big Ears: No! I am not leaving you behind, Complains!

Lifepoints Complains of Names: -6

Complains of Names: Are you high?!
Complains of Names: I was going to say that we should find a board or something to put me on...
Lifepoints Complains of Names: -6
Complains of Names: ...and you cold maybe drag me out of here!

Complains of Names: Damn right you're not leaving me behind!
Complains of Names: Ears? Are you listening?
Forehead: M...

Big Ears: Thaco!
Lifepoints Complains of Names: -6

Thaco: What happened to you?

Complains of Names: Shield of Wonder.
Complains of Names: Part demon now.
Complains of Names: What happened to you?

Thaco: Climactic battle with the hero.

Thaco: Ow.
Thaco: Ooww!
Thaco: Don't forget to add your strength bonus to the damage you're doing there, Ears!
Big Ears: Sorry.
Big Ears: I'm just going to break the shaft off. We can remove the arrowhead later.

Complains of Names: You fought the Goblin Slayer?! Did you kill him?
SFX: Snap
Thaco: No.

Thaco: I destroyed him.
Complains of Names: How'd you find us?
Lifepoints Complains of Names: -6
Forehead Fumbles: Monster

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SFX: Krakow

Complains of Names: Oh.

Big Ears: Hey...
Big Ears: ...incoming!

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Complains of Names: Are those guards?
Big Ears: I don't know.
Lifepoints Complains of Names: -6

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Chief (magic): Cure Light Wounds!
SFX: Foom

Chief: Can I interest anyone here in a trip out of Brassmoon?

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Big Ears: Chief!
Thaco: Where did you get a wagon of this size?

Chief: We found it abandoned way over there.

Chief: It comes with two cows that are really fast!

Big Ears: Oh.
Big Ears: Hello.

Ogre Pan: Hello for hi.

Chief: Complains! Where are you going?!
Complains of Names: I'll be right back!

Kin: Can we depart yet?
Kin: The guards in the distance have noticed our presence and are rapidly becoming less distant!

Kobold Takn: Forget the orange lunatic, just go!

Complains of Names: I'm back. I just needed to get my sword.
Forehead Fumbles: Monster

Kin: Heeyaaww!

[Krulle]

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Hobgoblin Scrole: You'd better take whatever cover you can, little cousins.

Big Ears, Complains of Names, or Thaco: Why?

Hobgoblin Scrole: Because the Humans on the wall are about to fire upon this wagon.
Hobgoblin Scrole: You don't know fear until you've seen a hundred crossbow bolts raining down on a group of monsters.

Big Ears, Complains of Names, and Thaco: We know fear.

Kin: Get ready everyone!

Kin (?): Here it comes!

SFX: Thup Thup Thu. Thup Thup

SFX: Thunk Thup Thak Tanng

Complains of Names: Hey Kobold, how about sharing some of that shield?
SFX: Thunk Thunk

Kobold Takn: Get your own shield!
SFX: Tanng Thak

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Ogre Pan: Huh?

Ogre Pan: Unnnh! Yala!

Ogre Pan: Ohnobadno!
Kobold Takn: What's his problem? I thought Ogres don't feel pain?
SFX: Tanng Thunk

Big Ears: I think he has a problem with slivers.
SFX: Thunk

Hobgoblin Scrole: Look! The Humans are chasing us!
Chief: Oh no...

Chief: ...they have cows!
Hobgoblin Scrole: Kin, go faster!

Kin: We're already at maximum...

SFX: Thup

Someone: Kin!

Kin: Aaah!

[Krulle]

► Show Spoiler

Complains of Names: Grab my hand!

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SFX: Crick
Complains of Names: Gaah!

Chief: What's wrong?
Complains of Names: It's my stupid arm!

Drow Ora: She's slipping!
Kin: Aaah!

Drow Ora: I can't reach her!
Chief: Try to grab the spear!

Chief: She's being dragged along the ground!
Chief: We have to stop this wagon!

Kobold Takn: No way! Those guards'll kill us or take us back to Brassmoon! Just pull her up!

Big Ears: Aauh!

SFX: Carack

Big Ears: Hold this and don't do anything evil.

SFX: Crack-A-Snap

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Kin: Aaie!

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Big Ears or Kin: No!

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Hobgoblin Scrole: Easy, little cousin!
Hobgoblin Scrole: Death is busy enough this morning, let's not give her one more soul to collect.
Big Ears: They'll kill her!
Hobgoblin Scrole: Yes! They will!

Hobgoblin Scrole: You have fought as well as any Goblin in this realm, but she is gone! You cannot undo this anymore than you can bring back the other monsters who have tragically died this day.

Hobgoblin Scrole: Don't dishonour the dead by forgetting about the living.
Hobgoblin Scrole: Your friends need you.

Kin: Uuhh...
Kin: Coff

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Kin: Nnnnnnoooo!

Elite guard: Grab the leash!

Kin: No!

Kin: No.
Kin: Please.
Kin: Just kill me!

Elite guard: It's okay, I got the leash.
Elite guard: She has to obey all my commands and can't make any violent...

Elite guard: Carson! Do you know what the captain will do to us if he finds out about this?
SFX: Thpap

Elite guard Carson: Most of my friends are dead now! killed by you damn monsters!

Elite guard: C'mon Carson, we got the creature back.
Elite guard: We did what we came out here to do. Now let's get it back to the captain.
Elite guard Carson: Sniff
Elite guard: Come with us, Yuan-ti.

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[Krulle]

► Show Spoiler

Forehead Fumbles: Monster

Forehead Fumbles: Monster

Forehead Fumbles: Monster

Forehead Fumbles: Monster

Drow Ora: Hey Takn, they found some berries back there. You better get some before they're gone.
Kobold Takn: Kobolds are carnivorous, we don't eat berries.
Kobold Takn: Check out this shot, Ora.
Forehead Fumbles: Monster

Drow Ora: Oh, don't throw stones at the poor Goblin, his mind is gone.
Kobold Takn: Hey, if he's too stupid to move, it's not my fault.
Kobold Takn: Watch me take out his eye.

Kobold Takn: Aw damn. Off the ear again.
Drow Ora: Those other Goblins are going to kill you, y'know.

Kobold Takn: Pfft, I'm not afraid of those hut builders. I'm Takn the famous. Every Kobold in the realm knows my name.

Kobold Takn: Okay, check this out. This time I draw blood.

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Big Ears: Right now, you have a magically sharpened axe pressed carefully but sternly at the base of your throat.
Big Ears: It's there because you've annoyed me.

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Big Ears: What do you think will happen if you make me angry?

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Kobold Takn; I uh... I'm gonna go get some berries.
Drow Ora: I'll come with you.

Forehead Fumbles: Monster

Forehead Fumbles: Monster

Forehead Fumbles: Monster

Chief: No!
Complains of Names: Why not?
Chief: We just barely escaped Brassmoon, Fumbles' mind is broken, Kin is dead and you want to rush into a dungeon crawl!

Complains of Names: From where we are, Depths of the Dragon's Maw is the most direct route to our village. It cuts right through Cloudypine Mountain and exits close to the Bloodrain Forest.
Chief: it's also filled with messed up dangers!

Complains of Names: It'll shorten our travel time and we can avoid any random groups of adventurers and rival clans like the Vipers. Not to mention all the stupid Hobgoblins out for our blood.

Complains of Names: No offense.

Hobgoblin Scrole: None taken.

Big Ears: I got this from Chief's backpack. We've been saving it for you.
Forehead Fumbles: Monste.

Forehead Fumbles: Monste.

Complains of Names: But with the exception of Fumbles, we're all fourth level now!
Forehead Fumbles: Monst..

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Hobgoblin Scrole: Wait... Fourth what?
Drow Ora: Fourth level? Like adventurers?
Kobold Takn: Can monsters even do that?
Chief: Complains, we're also really beaten up! It's not like we'd be entering the crawl in peak condition.
Complains of Names: You just healed almost all of our wounds!

Chief: I can give you back your hit points. But you're still missing a finger and using low level healing magic on an unset broken bone has ruined your arm.
Hobgoblin Scrole: I thought all of that healing he was doing was from a magic item or something.

Chief: And even Ears' freaky armour is all busted up.

Big Ears: Oh right.
Big Ears: Give me a moment.

SFX: ...ffffffffffffffff...

Big Ears: Good as new.

Thaco: That's terrific, now you won't have to deal with the horrors of dressing yourself.
Forehead Fumbles: Monster

Chief: Well, I wish we could spend more time catching our breath with you,
Chief: but we're very anxious to get back to our village.

Chief: Thank you so much for your bravery, I hope you all find the paths you're looking for.
Forehead Fumbles: Monster

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Kobold Takn (?): I call rogue!
Drow Ora or Hobgoblin Scrole (?): I'm a wizard!

[Krulle]

► Show Spoiler

Noe: I am your guide within the Well of Darkness. After this initial summoning, in which I will explain the rules that dictate my interactions with you, your group may safely summon me three times, for each of those summoning, I will truthfully answer one question with a yes or a no.

Saves a Fox: That seems odd, I've never seen a dungeon crawl with a guide before.
Saves a Fox: What's the catch?

Noe: If I am summoned a fourth time, I will not answer any questions, but will instead destroy you in a hellish attack of terrible, violent agony.
Saves a Fox: There it is.
Grem: No big deal, we just don't summon him a fourth time.

Dies Horribly: How do we summon you?

Noe: You need only to say my name and I will appear.

Grem: What's your name?
Saves a Fox: Oh, I think I have an idea where this is going.

Noe: My name...
Noe ...is Noe.

Grem: Noe?
Saves a Fox: Don't say his name, you moron!

Noe: Saying my name while I am in your presence does not count as a summon. You now know the rules and so I leave.

SFX: Fa-Wump

Saves a Fox: Oh man, we're screwed.
Grem: What's the problem? We just have to avoid saying...
Grem: ...well...
Grem: ...the "N" word.

a first version of Noe

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Saves a Fox: Do you have any idea how hard it's going to be to avoid that word in here?
Grem: Well n...

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Grem: ...negative.
Saves a Fox: We're gonna die.

Grem: No we're not, I...

SFX: Fa-Wump

Noe: I have been summoned. Ask your question. I will only answer with a yes or a no.

Grem: What...
Grem: ...I...

Grem: ...but...

Grem: Aw, dammit.

Saves a Fox: Well since he's here, we may as well ask a useful question.

Saves a Fox: Noe, if we go though that door, will that be the correct path to find the Blue Orb of Bloodlight?

Noe: Yes.
Noe: The question has been answered and so I leave. You have two safe summonings left.

SFX: Fa-Wump

► Show Spoiler

Grem: I'm starting to hate this place.

K'seliss: I'm starting to like this place.

Dies Horribly: K'seliss, I thought you were going ahead without us.
K'seliss: I was, but watching the Goblin prince squirm is too cool.

Grem: Well the show's over, K'seliss. I'm not squirming and I'm not saying the damn "N" word again. I don't know why you...

SFX: Fa-Wump
Noe: I have been summoned. Ask your question. I will only answer with a yes or a no.

Grem: What! No! I never said it! I never said it!

Dies Horribly: You kinda did. You said "I don't know".

Grem: Aw, c'mon! I said "know", not "no"!

K'seliss: Heh heh
K'seliss: Who else saw this coming a mile away?

SFX: Klik

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Dies Horribly: We're going to die. I just know it. He's going to be summoned a fourth time and kill us all.

K'seliss: Oh fine, I'll fix this thing just to shut up Eaten Horribly.
Dies Horribly: It's Dies Horribly.
K'seliss: I disagree.

K'seliss: Noe, I got yet yes-no question or whatever.

K'seliss: If I summon you while standing here, will you appear right where you're standing now?

Noe: Yes. The question has been answered and so I leave. You have one safe summoning left.

SFX: Fa-Wump

K'seliss: Noe.

SFX: Fa-Wump
Noe: I have been summoned. Ask your...

K'seliss: I don't know if you're a Human or demon or what, but whatever you are, is having your throat ripped out fatal to you?

Noe: ...
Noe: Yes. The question has been answered and so I leave. If I am summoned again I will kill you all.

SFX: Fa-Wump

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K'seliss: Noe.

[Krulle]

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SFX: Fa-W
SFX: Runch

Noe: K-Ku
Noe: Gasp
Noe: Choke
Noe: Kuh
Noe: Gasp

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K'seliss: Now let's get this stupid Orb thing and get out of here.

SFX: Crunch Munch Munch

Grem: So...
Grem. ...so why exactly is K'seliss afraid of you, Fox?
Saves a Fox: That's none of your business.

Minmax: ...11...
Minmax: ...13...
Minmax: ...16...

Minmax: ...15...
Minmax: ...11...
Minmax: ...14...

Forgath: Minmax...
Minmax: ...12...
Minmax: ...10...
Forgath: Minmax.

Minmax: ...ew, a 7.
Forgath: Minmax!
Forgath: Stop gauging the charisma scores of the female townsfolk!
Badge: M.
Beltbuckle: I am
Helmet: This is a helmet

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Minmax: Hey, I'm a second level fighter. Those female townsfolk are gonna want to sleep with me. The least I can do is get familiar with their stats.
Badge: MM
Beltbuckle: .m ...at

Forgath: Not every woman is going to want to sleep with you.
Badge: MM
Helmet: This is a helmet
Beltbuckle: great
Minmax: Forgath, let me ask you something.

Minmax: My charisma...
Minmax: ...is awesome.
Badge: .M
Beltbuckle: I am great
Helmet: This is a helmet

Forgath: Do you even listen to yourself when you talk?
Badge: MM
Beltbuckle: I am great
Helmet: This is a helmet

Minmax: We should ask someone for directions, this place is pretty big.
Forgath: Good idea, maybe a guard or...
Badge: MM
Beltbuckle: I am great
Helmet: This is a helmet

Minmax: Let's ask her! She's only 13, but still cute. I'd totally do her!
Forgath: Uh, Minmax, I don't think the locals know you're talking about her charisma.
Badge: MM
Helmet: This is a helmet

Minmax: Hey! 13 and hot! I love it!
Forgath: Yeah, we're gonna get lynched.
Badge: MM
Beltbuckle: I am great
Helmet: This is a helmet

Minmax: Hey baby, I'm Minmax the Unstoppable and this is my Dwarf, Forgath. Yeah, that's right, we're second level. Do you know where I can buy a sword around here? Mine was destroyed in battle.
Forgath: No, no! Her charisma! He was talking about her charisma! He knows she's not thirteen years old!
Badge: MM
Beltbuckle: I am great

13 And Hot: Well, this courtyard usually acts as a marketplace during the day, but right now it's being cleaned after the big battle. I know there's a blacksmith at the north end of town though.
Minmax: Thanks, babe.

Minmax: It's this way.
Forgath: Did you ask where to buy pants?
Minmax: Yeah, yeah.
Forgath: You promised me you'd buy pants, Minmax.
Badge: MM
Beltbuckle: I am great
Helmet: This is a helmet

[Krulle]

► Show Spoiler

Minmax: Hey check that out.
Helmet: This is a helmet
Badge: MM
Beltbuckle: I am great

Talking Wall: I am the Talking Wall of Brassmoon City. Ask me any question and I will answer with clarity and accuracy.

Forgath: A talking wall?
Minmax: A talking wall that will answer any question you ask it!
Helmet: This is a helmet
Badge: MM
Beltbuckle: I am great

Badge: MM

Minmax: You'd think there would be a line-up for this.

Forgath: Um... Okay. I guess my first question would be, how did Brassmoon get a talking wall?
Helmet: This is a helmet

Talking Wall: Oh geez. You don't want to know that. The answer is a story arc that goes on for like, ever.
Talking Wall: Ask me something else.

Minmax: Okay, I think I'm starting to see why there's no line-up.
Helmet: This is a helmet

Forgath: Maybe this thing can help us find the Goblins.
Minmax: Hey, good idea!
Helmet: This is a helmet
Badge: MM

Minmax: I'm looking for a douchebag called Complains of Names. He gave me this scar with a lucky critical hit and I want payback. Where is he?

Forgath: I think the scar makes you look kind of badass.
Minmax: I think it makes me look like I don't know when to duck.
Helmet: This is a helmet
Badge: MM
Beltbuckle: I am great

Talking Wall: Oh, yeah, no, you don't want to know that. If you ever find those Goblins, it's going to end badly for both of you.
Talking Wall: When the serpent becomes your prey, friends will become enemies and love will fuel hate.
Talking Wall: Ask me something else.

► Show Spoiler

Forgath: Hey, that's what that Goblin has said to me.
Helmet: This is a helmet

Forgath: She also said that a Dwarf would kill me.
Minmax: What?
Helmet: This is a helmet
Badge: .M

Talking Wall: Oh yeah, that's totally going to happen.
Talking Wall: And not a good death either.
Talking Wall: Lots of screaming.
Helmet: This is a helmet
Badge: MM
Beltbuckle: am ..eat

Forgath: Wait a round, you won't tell us where the Goblins are because that apparently ends badly, but you'll tell us all about my death?
Helmet: This is a helmet

Forgath: This guy's useless, it's like talking to a...
Helmet: This is a helmet

Helmet: This is a helmet

Minmax: You were gonna say "brick wall", weren't ya.
Forgath. I walked right into that one.
Helmet: This is a helmet
Badge: MM

Minmax: You should have taken a level in ranger, then we could've just tracked the Goblins down by now.
Badge: MM

Forgath: Maybe there's a ranger in the city who'll join our party. This is a big place, there might be other adventurers here.
Minmax: Oooo, good idea!
Helmet: This is a helmet
Badge: MM
Beltbuckle: I am great

Minmax: Hey Wall, is there a ranger in the city? Preferably one who hates Goblins a lot?
Badge. MM

Talking Wall: Well, yes.
Talking Wall: There is one...

[Krulle]

► Show Spoiler

Saves a Fox: A door, guys.

Saves a Fox: Decorative. The worst kind.

K'seliss: Yeah, cause only the darkest souls from the worst pockets of hell would...
K'seliss: ...decorate.

Saves a Fox: Don't look at me like that, K'seliss. The most decorative doors are often the most trapped.

Grem: You seem to know a lot about dungeon crawls. Have you ever done this before?
Saves a Fox: What? No. I'm not an adventurer.

Grem: No one said you were.

Saves a Fox: I'm going to take a closer look at this door. These markings might be a clue as to what's up ahead.

-

Flashback (Grem): Ack!

Flashback: -

Grem: That's why you were able to grab my neck before I could even react! Why you won initiative so easily!

Grem: You've got adventuring levels!

Original panels of the flashback scene

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K'seliss: I knew it!
K'seliss: That's why you're tougher than me!

K'seliss: I knew there was something wrong about you, Fox! No Goblin is supposed to be that tough! No real Goblin, anyway!

Saves a Fox: Hey, I am a real Goblin!

Grem: No.
Grem: No, you're not.

Grem: You stopped being a Goblin as soon as you started being like them. As soon as you start taking XP, you disrespect every Goblin who's been killed by an adventurer.

Saves a Fox: Do you know how many members of my clan I saved from adventurer attacks with the abilities I've earned?

Grem: I've saved more Goblin lives than you'll ever know, and I did it with honour!

Saves a Fox: Oh, so forced slave labour is honourable now?
Grem: Those are my mother's actions, not mine and you have no idea how much stress she's under!

Saves a Fox: Yes I do, slightly less than that of a slave.
Grem: She's going to rule this realm one day and she'll do it without class levels!

Dies Horribly: Um... Guys?
K'seliss: I think we all need to understand that I would have kicked Fox's ass from the beginning...
K'seliss: ...if she didn't have those unnatural levels!

Dies Horribly: Weren't we worried about traps and stuff? I think we may be focusing on the wrong things here.
Dies Horribly: I think what's going on here and now might be more important than her defensive preferences.

SFX: Klik
Dies Horribly: Guys?

[Krulle]

► Show Spoiler

K'seliss: You made me think that a standard Goblin could be tougher than me! Do you have any idea what that did to my self esteem? If you didn't have those cheater levels, I'd eat you alive right now!

Saves a Fox: So if I had never taken adventurer levels, you'd kill me for taking adventurer levels?
K'seliss: Damn right!

Dies Horribly: Um, there's...
Dies Horribly: ...there's a...

Grem: So what level are you, Fox?
Saves a Fox: I'm a level six fighter, so what? It's all just a big crime against Goblinkind, right?

Grem: Wait, if you've been adventuring, where are all of your magic items? Adventurers always have magic items.
Saves a Fox: I could never keep anything I found. My father would freak if he knew what I'd been doing.
Dies Horribly: It's a giant egg, guys.

Dies Horribly: Why is there a giant egg? ...
Dies Horribly: ...in a ribbon.
Grem: So why even do it?
Saves a Fox: Because no one tells me what to do, Grem. Not even our traditions.

Saves a Fox: I know that makes me look weak to you...
Grem: I don't think you're weak.

Grem: I think you're too strong to need adventuring levels.
Saves a Fox: Then why do you keep trying to protect me? Why did you follow me in here?

-

Saves a Fox: That is the first time I've ever seen you look vulnerable.
Dies Horribly: This egg is bigger than both of the doors, how'd they get it in here?

► Show Spoiler

K'seliss: So is this thing edible or what?
Saves a Fox: Woah.
Grem: Look at the size of that egg.

K'seliss: The red cloth part is soft.
Saves a Fox: Hey! What'd I say when we first got here? Don't touch any...

Grem: Where's Dies Horribly?

Saves a Fox: What? He's not here? Dies!
Grem: We've been blocking the door we came in, so he hasn't gone through there...
Grem: ...and no one has opened the other door. He should still be in the room.
SFX: Klik

SFX: Klik Klik Klik Klik Klik Klik Klik Klik

SFX: Klik Klik Klik

K'seliss: Gasp

SFX: Thwup

SFX: Klik

Saves a Fox: Dies! I hope he's okay. I should've been watching him. How could I mess up a spot check so badly?
Grem: Wait, where's K'seliss?

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Saves a Fox: K'seliss is missing too? The hell is happening?
SFX: Klik Klik Klik Kl.. Kli. Klik .lik Klik Klik
Grem: Not now, Klik.

Saves a Fox or Grem: Diiiiees!
Grem or Saves a Fox: K'seliss, where are you?!
Saves a Fox or Grem: Dies Horribly!

Grem: Gah!
Grem: What's wrong with you?!

SFX: Klik

Saves a Fox: Something about the egg, Klik?
Grem: The egg...
Grem: ...ate them?

Saves a Fox: Don't be stupid.
Grem: Well, I don't know.

SFX: Klik

Klik: Reee-
SFX: Thwp

Saves a Fox: Sonova crap, the egg ate him!
Grem: That must be what happened to Dies and K'seliss!

Saves a Fox: It could be a portal to another part of the dungeon or another dimension or something.
Grem: Or it could just be a big egg and they're suffocating inside!

Grem: I'll break it open and...

SFX: Thwp

-

Saves a Fox: Well if they're inside the egg, they're impaled on your sword now!

► Show Spoiler

Grem: So if it captures anything that touches it, how can we break it open?
Saves a Fox: Nothing happened when K'seliss touched the ribbon part.

Saves a Fox: Maybe we can break it by hitting it right here.

SFX: Thuk

SFX: Thuk Thuk Thuk
Grem: I don't think that's working.
Saves a Fox: It feels like hitting stone!

Saves a Fox: What are you doing?
Grem: I have an idea.

-

SFX: Crik Crik Kik-Crik

SFX: Crika-Kik Crik
SFX: Crackle

SFX: Klik
K'seliss: Coff
K'seliss: Gasp
K'seliss: Coff
Dies Horribly: Coff
Dies Horribly: Coff
Dies Horribly: Aaahh!
Dies Horribly: Coff
Dies Horribly: Aaahaa!

► Show Spoiler

K'seliss: Didn't you hear us yelling and banging on the inside of the egg? Are you deaf?!

Grem, or Saves a Fox: We didn't hear anything! We tried to...

K'seliss: You dropped your sword.
SFX: Clang
Grem: Hey!
Grem: I just saved your life, you big frog!

Saves a Fox: Are you okay?
Dies Horribly: Who are they? Who are these creatures?

Saves a Fox: Adventurers, I guess. Looks like the egg got the better of them.

Saves a Fox: This is why I say not to touch anything. Anything can be deadly in a dungeon crawl. I hope that now we've learned not to touch any...

Grem: Hey.
Grem: Hey guys, look at this.

SFX: Fwup

Grem: I know what this is. It's what my mother was looking for, for so long. It's the Key of Darkness, the item needed to open the door into this dungeon! No wonder she couldn't find. Some adventurer used it to enter the crawl, then died in here.

Saves a Fox: Alright, that's it! I keep saying don't touch anything, but no one listens! Well screw it! From now on, touch any damn thing you want!
Saves a Fox: go ahead, touch anything! I won't care!

-

Saves a Fox: Oop.

[Krulle]

► Show Spoiler

Forgath: There it is, the Frosted Claw. That wall better not have lied to us. If this Dellyn Goblinslayer guy isn't there, I'm going to be...
Helmet: This is a helmet

Forgath: Minmax? You coming or what?
Helmet: This is a helmet
Sign: The Frosted Claw

Minmax: These new pants are chafing my. Face it, I'm too much man for pants.
Forgath: You're just not used to them, now hurry up.
Badge: MM
Beltbuckle: I am great

Minmax: And this sword you got sucks. It doesn't glow or burst into flames or nothin'. It doesn't even have a skull motif.
Forgath: It's a standard, player's handbook, long sword.
Forgath: You can't just walk into a blacksmith shop and expect to buy a magic sword. Not even Herbert the DM is that Monty Haul.
Helmet: This is a helmet
Badge: MM
Beltbuckle: I am great

Sign: ..e Frosted .law
Minmax: Whoa.
Minmax: That is a big window. And real glass too.
Forgath: No.

Minmax: No what?
Forgath: No, you're not smashing that window.
Minmax: i never said that I wanted to.
Forgath: You were thinking it.
Helmet: This is a helmet
Badge: MM
Beltbuckle: I am great

Forgath: This ranger is a higher level than us, so if we want him to join our party, we have to be very nice to him. I don't need you wrecking this by breaking the window of his favourite tavern.
Minmax: Relax, I won't break the...
Badge: MM

Minmax: ...
Minmax: That is the coolest adventurer I've ever seen.
Minmax: He...
Minmax: ...he is my hero.
Badge: MM
Helmet: This is a helmet

► Show Spoiler

Barkeeper: Hi, can I get you two anything?
Badge: MM
Beltbuckle: I am grea.

Minmax: Thanks, but we actually have an anymug and we can summon any drink we want.
Helmet: This is a helmet
Badge: MM
Beltbuckle: I am great

Minmax: Oof
Forgath: Don't be rude.
Helmet: This is a helmet

Forgath: I'll have something Dwarfen. Anything that'd make an Elf roll a fortitude save.
Minmax: I'll have an ale.
Helmet: This is a helmet
Badge: MM

Barkeeper: I'll bring you your drinks in a bit, guys.
Forgath: Okay, let's go say hello, but don't embarass me.
Minmax: Well don't elbow me in the gut.
Helmet: This is a helmet
Badge: MM

Forgath: Excuse me, captain Goblinslayer?

Forgath: My name is Forgath and this is Minmax. We're...
Dellyn Goblinslayer: I'm not a captain.
Helmet: This is a helmet
Badge: MM

Forgath: Um... but we were told...
Dellyn Goblinslayer: The mayor of this city is an idiot who can't see the big picture and so he fired me and disbanded my elite guard. As an adventurer, I've saved this city more than once, but apparently the mayor thinks that not pressing charges against me is reward enough for that.

Forgath: Well... we don't really know much about that. We're actually hunting some Goblins who want to summon something called The White Terror and we were hoping you...
Dellyn Goblinslayer: No. Piss off.

Helmet: This is a helmet
Badge: MM

Minmax: Mr. Goblinslayer sir, I just want to say that I think you're awesome!
Helmet: Th.. is hel...
Badge: MM
Beltbuckle: I am gre..

Minmax: I mean... you're awesome! Everything that you have, I want to one day have too!

► Show Spoiler

Minmax: Except for the snake monster chick, that's... that's creepy and kinda gross.
Helmet: This is a helmet
Badge: MM
Beltbuckle: I am great

Dellyn Goblinslayer: You remind me of someone that I used to adventure with. What level are you, kid?

Minmax: Two!
Helmet: This is a helmet
Badge: MM
Beltbuckle: I am great

-

Dellyn Goblinslayer: Heh. Alright rookies, have a seat.
Minmax: Cool!
Forgath: Seriously?
Helmet: This is a helmet
Badge: MM

-

Bottle: Dwarfen Hilt

Dellyn Goblinslayer: ...and this spider is big! It's the size of a horse! And Saral Caine picks it up and just throws it into the pit of Orcs! It was the funniest thing I ever saw!
Forgath: Ha haaa!
Badge: MM
Beltbuckle: I am great

Dellyn Goblinslayer: Adventuring was so much simpler back then. Never get involved with politics, guys. It muddies up the art of adventuring. Something that's supposed to be pure. It makes you start worrying about things like your reputation and your position in the city.

Dellyn Goblinslayer: And that weakens you. Ripens you for defeat.

Dellyn Goblinslayer: I should've just killed that damn Goblin as soon as I saw him.

Forgath: Then make adventuring pure again, Dellyn. Join us. We'll hunt some Goblins and save the world.

► Show Spoiler

-

Dellyn Goblinslayer: I get two shares of any treasure we find and I'm in charge.
Forgath: Deal.
Minmax: Yes. We are gonna kick so much Goblin ass!
Badge: MM
Beltbuckle: I am great

Dellyn Goblinslayer: This calls for more drinks. Here Forgath, hold this and don't let go.

Dellyn Goblinslayer: Give me two more bottles of that wine from the north.
Barkeeper: Yes sir, Mr. Goblinslayer.

Minmax: So Dellyn, that snake monster. That's a Yuan-ti, right? What's um... what's the deal with that?
Dellyn Goblinslayer: Oh Kin? She's my personal toy. Don't worry, I never take her on quests.
Dellyn Goblinslayer: I keep her caged up in the city.
Badge: MM
Beltbuckle: I am great

Minmax: But I don't get it. I mean, why don't you just kill the monster for XP? Why do you keep it around?
Badge: MM

Dellyn Goblinslayer: Minmax, one day you'll realise that some monsters are good for more than just XP and treasure.

Dellyn Goblinslayer: Kin is good for...
SFX: Pop
Dellyn Goblinslayer: ...let's call it personal recreation.

Minmax: What, you mean sex?
Dellyn Goblinslayer: Or we can call it sex, sure.
Badge: MM
Beltbuckle: I am great

Minmax: But how is that even possible? I mean... Physically, how does that even work?
Dellyn Goblinslayer: Oh, it works. It works very well.
Badge: MM
Beltbuckle: I am great

Minmax: Heh, I'm surprised it even wants to have sex with you. I mean, you keep it leashed and caged all the time.
Dellyn Goblinslayer: Ha ha, well of course she doesn't want to.
Badge: MM
Beltbuckle: I am great

► Show Spoiler

Minmax: Ha ha
Minmax: Yeah.
Badge: MM
Beltbuckle: I am great

Minmax: Wait, you mean like you rape her?
Dellyn Goblinslayer: Every damn night!

Dellyn Goblinslayer: It's actually a combination of raping her and beating her down to her last hit point.

Dellyn Goblinslayer: That's why I keep a lot of healing potions handy. You gotta keep your toys looking good, am I right?
Badge: MM

Badge: MM

Badge: MM

Badge: MM

Badge: MM

Badge: MM

-

SFX: Smasshh

► Show Spoiler

Forgath: Minmax! What happened, I...
Badge: MM
Beltbuckle: great

Forgath: Aw, no.

Minmax: He was being a dink.
Badge: MM
Beltbuckle: I am great

Barkeeper: My window! Who broke my...
Badge: MM
Beltbuckle: I am great

Forgath: You were out of my sight for two minutes.
Barkeeper: Holy crap!
Badge: MM
Beltbuckle: I am great

Barkeeper: Everyone clear out now! Goblinslayer is about to kick some serious ass!

Barkeeper: Nothing personal, but after you're dead, I'm going to loot your corpses to pay for the window.
Badge: MM
Beltbuckle: I am great

-

Dellyn Goblinslayer: Minmax, I don't know what sorts of mistakes you've made in your life, but I promise you...

Dellyn Goblinslayer: ...that was the worst one.

Minmax: Nuh-uh! I've done way dumber things!
Forgath: Dellyn, you're drunk and Minmax is stupid. Let's all just relax and...
Badge: M.
Beltbuckle: I am great

Minmax: You wanna fight? I'm Minmax the unstoppable warrior!
Badge: MM

SFX: Shing
Minmax: Bring it on!
Forgath: No!
Badge: MM
Beltbuckle: I am great

► Show Spoiler

Forgath: Don't bring it on! Bring nothing on!

-

Badge: MM
Beltbuckle: am great

SFX: Clong
Badge: MM
Beltbuckle: am great

SFX: Slish
Minmax: Gah!
Badge: MM

SFX: Sli-Ting
Badge: MM
Beltbuckle: I am great

Badge: MM

Minmax: No way, that is such bull crap! Your sword is made of wood! It can't...
Badge: MM

Dellyn Goblinslayer: Y'know, there is a special place in hell reserved for those who die complaining about the rules.
SFX: Splunk
Badge: MM
Beltbuckle: I am great

► Show Spoiler

Badge: MM
Beltbuckle: I am great

SFX: Thok
Dellyn Goblinslayer: Uh!
Badge: MM
Beltbuckle: I am great

SFX: Thwuk

Dellyn Goblinslayer: You have Improved Unarmed Strike?

Minmax: I got it by trading in my ability to rhyme on purpose.
Badge: MM

Dellyn Goblinslayer: What? That's not even... You can't just trade...

Minmax: Careful Dellyn, I heard a rumour about those who die complaining about the rules.
Badge: MM
Beltbuckle: I am great

Dellyn Goblinslayer: Haah!

Badge: MM

SFX: Thump
Badge: MM

SFX: Cluk

► Show Spoiler

SFX: Slish

SFX: Thump

Dellyn Goblinslayer: Yaah!

SFX: Splash

Forgath: It's called Dragon Lung. A rare, very flammable lantern oil. Now get away from Minmax...

Forgath: ...because I have more.
SFX: Ba-Wumf

-

Dellyn Goblinslayer: Raaaah!

SFX: Fwump

SFX: Fwoom

Dellyn Goblinslayer: Nyaaaa!

► Show Spoiler

Dellyn Goblinslayer: Aaaeeee!
Dellyn Goblinslayer: Aaah!
Badge: MM
Beltbuckle: I am

Dellyn Goblinslayer: Naaaeee!

Dellyn Goblinslayer: Aaayyeee!
SFX: Thwunk Thump Smash

SFX: Thunp

Dellyn Goblinslayer: Aah!
Dellyn Goblinslayer: Gasp!

-

-

Minmax: Is... is he dead?
Forgath: I don't know.

-

-

Dellyn Goblinslayer: 'ook whuk you gig koo 'ee!

► Show Spoiler

Forgath: Stay back, Dellyn!

Dellyn Goblinslayer: I'u kiu you!

SFX: Carakk

Minmax: Weapon Proficiency: Furniture. Traded in my ability to wink.
Lifepoints Dellyn Goblinslayer: -6

Forgath: Huff

-

Forgath: We killed him. Gods, that was the most gruesome thing I've ever seen. We killed him.

Minmax: He's not dead.
Forgath: What?
Badge: MM
Beltbuckle: I am great

Minmax: Looks like he stabilized. See, he's not dead.
Lifepoints Dellyn Goblinslayer: -6

Forgath: Oh... well... What do we do now? I mean, he's a ranger. If we run, he's going to track us down and kill us.
Minmax: Definitely. We'll have to kill him.
Badge: MM
Beltbuckle: I am great

Forgath: What? I can't kill him now!
Minmax: Why not, you lit him on fire a moment ago.
Forgath: There's a huge difference between killing someone in battle and murdering them when they're unconscious!
Badge: MM
Beltbuckle: I am great

Minmax: Well I'm not gonna do it! I fight my enemies face to face, I don't cowardly do 'em in while they're asleep!
Forgath: You started this whole mess, so you'd better damn well...

► Show Spoiler

SFX: Sluk

-

-

-

SFX: Sluk

-

SFX: Sluk

SFX: Sluk Sluk

SFX: sluksluksluksluk
SFX: uksluksluksluksl
SFX: s..ksluks...uk
SFX: u...uksl...
Kin: Aaaaaah!

Kin: Huff-a
Kin: huff

Kin: Huff

Kin: Thud

Badge: MM
Beltbuckle: I a. gre..

► Show Spoiler

-

Minmax: What's it doing?
Forgath: Stealing a coat, I think.
Beltbuckle: am ...at

-

Kin: There's a trap door behind the bar.
Minmax: So?
Badge: MM
Beltbuckle: I am great

Kin: He used to take me down there. It leads to a wine cellar. In the cellar is a grate that can be used to enter the sewers. From there we can escape the city.

Minmax: Ew! I'm not going into the sewers!
Forgath: Then walk through the streets. I'm sure the guards won't be too angry when they realise you've killed one of their greatest heroes.
Badge: .M

Minmax: Forgath, I don't like the idea of following that monster.
Forgath: Then you shouldn't have thrown Dellyn out the window.
Badge: MM
Helmet: This is a helmet

Forgath: Don't forget your backpack.
Badge: MM

Badge: MM

Badge: MM

Helmet: This is a helmet

Minmax: Hey, guess what's mine!
Badge: MM

[Krulle]

► Show Spoiler

Saves a Fox: Grem, stop playing with the Key of Darkness. You' don't know what it does.
Grem: My clan has been studying this item for ages, I know exactly what it does.

Saves a Fox: Well stop touching the light part.
Saves a Fox: I keep thinking you're going to burn yourself or something.

Grem: The light beam is just a harmless glow that allows the key to open the front gate. It's the blade part that's dangerous. +3 to damage!
Dies Horribly: You guys think this hallway bridge thing could fall over? It feels like it could fall over.

Grem: Dies, this bridge may be long, but it's perfectly...
SFX: ssssss

Dies Horribly: Yaaah!
SFX: REEEEEEEEEE...

Saves a Fox: What the hell happened!? You said the glowy bit was harmless!
Grem: It is!

Dies Horribly: Something in that sword's magical energy must be my hand's `negative┬┤.
Saves a Fox: Huh?

Dies Horribly: Every member of Klik's race has a negative which destroys it and a positive which heals it. Since my hand is made from my soul and isn't a seperate creatrue, its positive is my own blood.

Saves a Fox: So you're saying your hand actually `drinks┬┤ your own blood and... oh well that's actually kinda gross.

Dies Horribly: Of course, now I'm all light headed from loss of blood.
K'seliss: You are one messed up piece of food, you know that?

► Show Spoiler

Saves a Fox: Actually, we've been walking through this crawl for awhile. Now might be a good time to steal a couple hours of sleep.

K'seliss: Sleep? We should be worrying about food! I'm not even tired!

Saves a Fox: Good, then you can keep watch.

SFX: Crank
SFX: munch munch
Dies Horribly: I don't like the idea of stopping on this bridge thing.

Saves a Fox: We'll be fine, Dies.
Saves a Fox: K'seliss, don't fall asleep.
SFX: munch munch

K'seliss: I won't fall asleep! Get off my back!

-

-

-

-

-

-

[Krulle]

► Show Spoiler

-

-

-

-

-

-

-

-

Forgath: Why are we walking so far behind her?
Minmax: It might try to summon a demon or something. I want to be ready.

Forgath: I don't think Yuan-ti can do that.
Minmax: Hey monster, we've walked far enough from the city. Forgath and me are gonna go... well, someplace whare you're not, okay? So bye.

Minmax: What are you grinning about monster, you've never seen Prism Weed before?

► Show Spoiler

-

SFX: Pwuft

-

-

-

-

-

-

SFX: Ffffwuft

Kin: Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha

► Show Spoiler

Helmet: This is a helmet
Badge: MM
Beltbuckle: am .reat

Minmax: It's trying to summon a demon!
Helmet: This is a helmet
Badge: MM

Minmax: Oof
Helmet: This is a helmet
Badge: MM

SFX: Pwuft

Kin: Heh, I don't summon demons, my name is Kin, I come from the Silkscale Yuan-ti clan that live in the Sunset Fields.

Forgath: The Sunset Fields? That's pretty far from here, why are you so far north?
Helmet: This is a helmet

Kin: When I was captured, I was on a quest for the Jade Teapot, a magic item made by my ancestors but lost generations ago. My search brought me up here.
Minmax: Magic item? What's it do?
Helmet: This is a helmet
Badge: MM

Kin: It's a non geographic teleportation device. Instead of transporting its user to a specific location, it magically transports to a specific individual, where ever they might be.
Forgath: Wow.
Minmax: What the hell does that have to do with tea?
Helmet: This is a helmet
Badge: MM

Kin: It's a fascinating item, but not without design flaws. One of which, being that the teapot itself cannot be teleported. Anyone using it is forced to leave it behind. If I ever find it, I'll have to bring it back home the old fashioned way.

Forgath: Do you know where the Jade Teapot is?
Minmax: Who cares where it is? It's a teapot, it's not like it's a weapon or anything.
Helmet: This is a helmet
Badge: MM
Beltbuckle: great

Kin: Actually yes, it's said to be in a dungeon crawl called the Maze of Many. You know, if you'd be willing to help me through the maze, I'd gladly let you keep any other treasures that we find, so long as I get the teapot.

Minmax: Adventure with a monster?! Ha! No way! Besides, Forgath and me are already on a quest to find...
Forgath: Do you think Minmax and I could use this teapot to teleport to a group of individuals that we've been looking for?
Helmet: This is a helmet
Badge: MM

► Show Spoiler

Kin: You mean the Goblins that you want to kill?
Minmax: Hey! How do you know that?!
Kin: I was there in the tavern when you told the Goblin Slayer, remember?
Beltbuckle: I am great

Forgath: Minmax, don't you get it? This is exactly what we're looking for. We do this one adventure, get some XP and treasure and then get teleported directly to the Goblins.
Kin: You know, not all Goblins are evil.
Helmet: This is a helmet
Badge: MM
Beltbuckle: I am great

Minmax: Aw, ya see?! This is why monsters and adventurers shouldn't work together!
Kin: I recently had a run in with some Goblins that seemed pretty heroic.
Beltbuckle: I am great

Forgath: Actually, we're pretty sure that these Goblins are trying to destroy the world.
Kin: Oh. Well I guess that's pretty evil, yeah.

Forgath: So is that collar a cursed item? Because if I hit level five before we find that teapot and part ways, I'll be able to cast Remove Curse and get it off you, if you like.
Helmet: This is a helmet

SFX: Thup Thup Thup Thup
Kin: I wouldn't attempt that. Casting Remove Curse on the collar has a 50% chance of either successfully getting it off of me, or activating a magical safeguard that would ignite unseen energies in the air for miles around me and create an explosion big enough to destroy mountains and Is he kicking a tree?
Helmet: This is a helmet

Forgath: What? Oh yeah, he's just sulking. He'll come around.
SFX: Thup Thup Thup Thu.
Badge: MM
Beltbuckle: I am great

Forgath: But mountain sized explosions? That sounds a little far fetched.
Kin: Yeah, I've considered the possibility that I was lied to in an attempt to keep me from trying to find someone to cast Remove Curse on the collar, but until I can learn more, it's too risky to... Wow, he's just going to keep kicking that tree, huh.
SFX: Thup Th.. ..up Th

Forgath: Yeah, I'll go talk to him. You start heading in the direction of this "Maze of Many". We'll be right behind you.
Kin: Sure
SFX: up Thup Thup Thup
Helmet: This is a helmet

Forgath: What the hell is wrong with you?
Minmax: I'm not adventuring with that weird monster, Forgath. We should just kill it for the XP.
Helmet: This is a helmet
Badge: MM
Beltbuckle: am great

Forgath: Well I just had a conversation with her and she didn't seem weird at all. You're the weird one, you're over here rolling attacks against a tree!
Helmet: This is a helmet

► Show Spoiler

Forgath: Sigh
Forgath: Look, we're starting our trek toward the dungeon crawl. Go walk with her for a few rounds. Talk to her for a bit and you'll find that she's not much different than us.

Minmax: Fine, if the Yuan-ti is normal, we'll join up with it until we find this fruity, little teapot. But if it's full of nothing but weird monsterness and nor normal in any way, I get to kill it.
Badge: MM

Forgath: Seriously? You really want to kil...
Helmet: This is a helmet

Forgath: Humph
Forgath: ...
Helmet: This is a helmet

Forgath: Alright fine. If, after talking to her in a civil, polite conversation, you haven't found a single, normal thing about her, then you can kill her, but we make camp first.
Minmax: Camp? Why do you want to make camp first?

Forgath: It'll give me a chance to get away from you two before the battle. I don't want to even see it.
Forgath: But that won't happen because you're going to find that she's very normal.
Helmet: This is a helmet

Forgath: now go catch up with her, I'll grab your wooden sword. And remember that you have to keep the conversation very polite.
Helmet: This is a helmet
Badge: MM
Beltbuckle: I am great

-

-

Minmax: Um...
Minmax: Hi.
Kin: Hello.
Badge: MM
Beltbuckle: great

Badge: MM
Beltbuckle: I am great

► Show Spoiler

Minmax: So um...
Minmax: What's normal about you?
Kin: What?
Badge: MM
Beltbuckle: I am great

Minmax: I mean... Wel... Do you like to do normal girl things? Y'know, like go to a village to shop for shoes or something?
Badge: MM

Kin: I have no feet.
Minmax: Oh.
Minmax: Right.
Badge: MM
Beltbuckle: I am great

Minmax: So... uh... what sorts of foods do you like?
Kin: Well, I have two stomachs, each capable of extracting proteins from different materials. So I can eat different...

Minmax: You have two stomachs??!
Kin: Yes.
Badge: MM
Beltbuckle: I am great

Beltbuckle: I am great

Minmax: Sigh, so... let's keep it simple. What's your favourite food?
Kin: My favorite food? Well I suppose maybe live mice?
Beltbuckle: I am great

Minmax: Live mice?! Live?! That's sick! You don't cook 'em?! I mean... you can't at least kill 'em first?
Kin: Their movement aids digestion.
Badge: MM
Beltbuckle: I am great

Badge: MM
Beltbuckle: I am great

Minmax: So, green hair huh? That's gotta piss you off.
Badge: MM
Beltbuckle: I am great

Kin: Don't touch me! Don't you ever touch me, Human!
Beltbuckle: am .reat

Minmax: Geez sorry, okay?
Kin: Just don't touch me. Tactile interaction is expressly inconducive to the current situation. Don't touch me. Don't touch me.
Beltbuckle: I am great

► Show Spoiler

-

Badge: MM
Beltbuckle: I am great

-

Minmax: Sigh
Badge: MM
Beltbuckle: I am great

Minmax: So uh...
Minmax: Geez, I don't know...
Minmax: How old are you?
Kin: Compared to what?
Badge: MM
Beltbuckle: I am great

Minmax: I just mean how many years old are you? How many winters have you lived through?
Kin: Oh, well if you want to gauge it by winters, then I guess somewhere around twenty.
Minmax: You guess? You don't even know how old you are? When's your birthday?

Kin: At the beginning of my life.
Minmax: No, I mean what day of the year were you born?
Kin: I don't know, I was too young to make a note of it at the time.

Minmax: So you don't even have a birthday? Didn't your parents tell you when it was? Your mother or father?
Kin: Yuan-ti rarely know who their fathers are.
Minmax: What?

Kin: My species mate by forming a large ball made up of ten to fifty males with one female in the center. For day, the males will slither around amongst each other. Attempting to insert one of their two penises into the female. So when the process is finished, it's difficult to know which male...

-

Forgath: So? How did it go?
Helmet: This is a helmet

Minmax: We're making camp.
Badge: MM
Beltbuckle: I am great
Helmet: This is a helmet

[Krulle]

► Show Spoiler

-

-

-

-

Saves a Fox: Well maybe you accidentally knocked it over the edge in your sleep.
Grem: No way! Someone took it!
Saves a Fox: No one took it, Grem.

Dies Horribly or Saves a Fox: Can we please focus, guys? There's a door up ahead.
Grem or Saves a Fox: K'seliss, you were supposed to be on watch. Did you fall asleep?
K'seliss: No.
Grem or Saves a Fox: Well are you sure you didn't see anything?
K'seliss: I'm sure. Now shut-up!

► Show Spoiler

Saves a Fox: Okay, now this door could be trapped, so I'm going to lightly tap it with my staff. Stay far enough back that..

SFX: Crunch

Grem: Wow. The guys who built this place sure had a thing for long drops.
Saves a Fox: I swear K'seliss, you're going to get us all killed.

Dies Horribly: So how are we going to get across? No one could possibly jump that fa...

K'seliss: Rah!

SFX: Whump

SFX: Whoosh

SFX: Crick Ca-Crick

K'seliss: Ah!

SFX: Crackle Crack

► Show Spoiler

-

Saves a Fox: We have to jump onto the platform the next time it swings close to us.
Dies Horribly: Are you crazy?!

K'seliss: What the crap is this hell?

Door: The bearded man fires his arrows, proud that he'll never miss. But he'll never walk through the door until the two Dragons kiss.

Saves a Fox: Now!

Grem: C'mon Dies, it's not hard!

Grem or Saves a Fox: Just wait for the next swing!
Dies Horribly: i...

SFX: Klik
Dies Horribly: Look out!

-

Hidden Content

This board requires you to be registered and logged-in to view hidden content.

► Show Spoiler

Saves a Fox: What are they?
Grem: I don't know!

SFX: Clank
Saves a Fox: Whoa!

-

Saves a Fox: You can't behead them genius, they have no necks!
Grem: Well I know that now!

Grem, Saves a Fox, or Dies Horribly: Klik, look out!

SFX: Klik

-

SFX: Crank

SFX: Crunch
SFX: munch munch

SFX: Clunk Clang Clank
SFX: Klik Klik

► Show Spoiler

Dies Horribly: Stay in the middle, near the chains! You're going to tip the platform!

-

SFX: Cla-Conk

-

SFX: Clunng

Grem: K'seliss!
SFX: Thwang

K'seliss: Hmmm...
Grem: K'seliss, we need you!
K'seliss: "until the two Dragons kiss"

-

Grem: Ah!
SFX: Shla-Cang

► Show Spoiler

-

SFX: Thak

Grem: Ghaa!

SFX: Shkraang

SFX: Catang Crenk

Grem: Yaah!

SFX: Cranka Clang

SFX: Clatter Twang Clank

SFX: Crash Clang

SFX: Thwump

Grem: Hey ass!

SFX: Clonk
K'seliss: Hmmm

► Show Spoiler

K'seliss: Oh wait.
K'seliss: Oh.
K'seliss: I get it. I see how the door opens now.

SFX: Bwump

-

K'seliss: Okay, I've tried absolutely everything. There is no way to open this door.
Door: The bearded man fires his arrows, proud that he'll never miss. But he'll never walk through the door until the two Dragons kiss.

Grem: Get over here and help us!

K'seliss: These things are made of stone and metal. I'm not fighting something ya can't eat, that's... perverted.

Grem: Who cares if you can't eat 'em, we're surrounded, dammit!

K'seliss: Fighting, eating and mating are all the same level. They're almost the same thing. You go ahead and get all intimate with those bloodless things if you want, but I ain't no sicko pervert.

Dies Horribly: Fox, you have to get off of the platform! Jump over here!
Saves a Fox: This thing isn't swinging anymore, I can't jump that far!

-

SFX: Sh-Ching
Dies Horribly: Oh no.

-

► Show Spoiler

Dies Horribly: What? They're turning back?

-

Dies Horribly: The red parts! They can't walk on the red parts! Only the blue!

K'seliss: What's he yelling about over there?

K'seliss: Eh?

K'seliss: Aw, hell no. I don't swing that way.

-

SFX: Klik Klik Klik
SFX: Crank
SFX: Klik

Saves a Fox: Ah!
SFX: Clang-A Clank
SFX: munch munch

SFX: Carack

► Show Spoiler

-

Saves a Fox: Yhaaaah!

Saves a Fox: Ah!

Saves a Fox: Huff
Saves a Fox: Huff

SFX: Klik Klik Klik

SFX: Klik

-

-

SFX: Clang

SFX: Ca-Clang
SFX: Clang

► Show Spoiler

K'seliss: You stay back. It's unnatural to fight things ya can't eat.

K'seliss: Gha! Ew!

K'seliss: Cut it out! I ain't fighting ya! This is sick!

K'seliss: I said get off me!
SFX: Ssskik

K'seliss: Wha...?
K'seliss: Oh no.

-

K'seliss: This means nothing, ya hear me?! I... I was thinking about a battle I had ages ago!

-

K'seliss: Sigh.
K'seliss: Listen, I have my honour. I would rather let you... things, rip me apart or fall to my death than make a single attack against you. You are bloodless, meatless and boneless and so it is impossible for me to feel any battle lust toward you.

SFX: Shlick

K'seliss: But this guy is pissed. He's gonna kill every last one o' you bastards.

► Show Spoiler

K'seliss: Raaaaah!

K'seliss: Craaah!

SFX: Clang Crack Ca-Langa

-

SFX: Ba-Wummmf

SFX: Cla-Clunk
SFX: Rattle Rattle

Dies Horribly: Fox, it's safe on this side! You have to find a way to...

Dies Horribly: oh...
SFX: Sh-Ching

SFX: Rattle
SFX: Clank
SFX: Rattle Rattle

► Show Spoiler

Grem: Fox, get back on your side! You're tipping the platform!

Saves a Fox: Sure, I'll just call a time out so we can all move to the right! It's not like I have a lot of control over where this fight goes, Grem!

SFX: Clanga Clang

Saves a Fox: Yhah!
SFX: Cwang

-

-

Grem: Uh!

SFX: Clack Clack

-

-

► Show Spoiler

SFX: Clonk Clang Thkank

K'seliss: Rooaaar!

SFX: Runch

K'seliss: Huff
K'seliss: Huff
K'seliss: Huff

-

K'seliss: Plegh!

-

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Dies Horribly: Aaah!
SFX: Clatter Rattle Rattle

Dies Horribly: Wha?
Dies Horribly: No. Nonononono.

SFX: Rattle Rattle Rattle

[Krulle]

► Show Spoiler

Saves a Fox: Dies!

SFX: Clack

SFX: Thwuk
SFX: Sh-Ching

SFX: Shunk

SFX: Fwip

SFX: Fwomp
Dies Horribly: Oof!

-

Saves a Fox: Yaah!

Saves a Fox: Nnrrr!
SFX: Klik

Saves a Fox: Climb up!
SFX: .lik Klik Klik Klik Klik Klik Klik Klik Klik Klik Klik Klik

► Show Spoiler

Grem: K'seliss, stick out your tail as far as you can so I can jump onto it.

Grem: K'seliss, are you listening to me?
K'seliss: Look, I got more important things to worry about here! I just found out that I must be a VAGGIT!

-

K'seliss: Sigh
K'seliss: Violent Against Golems, Gears and Inedible Trash. It's not a perfect acronym, I know, but...

Grem: Just stick out your damn tail!

-

Grem: Oof!

SFX: Fwump
Grem: Uh!

-

K'seliss: Woops.

Dies Horribly: We're going to die! We're all going to die in this place!
Saves a Fox: No we're not! Those... sharpees are stuck on the red area.

Saves a Fox: No one is dying in here.

► Show Spoiler

Dies Horribly: You don't understand. It's my destiny.
Saves a Fox: Anyone can beat their destiny. I was supposed to save a fox, but instead, I killed it. I've based my whole life, my whole sense of self around the belief that I'm not a puppet to destiny. And I've based that entire belief around that one moment with the fox.

Saves a Fox: I'm living proof that destiny can be changed and yet you refuse to believe me. Why?
Dies Horribly: Fox...
Saves a Fox: Tell me why.

-

Dies Horribly: You found the fox feasting on your food supply. You said that it wasn't afraid when you approached.
Saves a Fox: That's right.

Dies Horribly: It's called the Sunset Fever.
Dies Horribly: I've seen it happen to some of the smaller animals near our camp. No one knows why, but the infected beasts will gorge themselves almost to the bursting point.

Dies Horribly: During this time, they show no fear. They just keep relentlessly eating. When the illness enters its next phase, the animal will lose the ability to move. It will simply lay still. That's when the pain starts

Dies Horribly: The elders say that even though the infected are too weak to make much noise, they are in terrible pain. It is said that the pain is far worse than any spear, blade or fire. With its belly filled with food, the animal will lay in a silent hell for days before finally dying.

Dies Horribly: There is no cure for this illness. No way to lessen the pain once it starts. There is only one thing that can be done for an animal with Sunset Fever. Only one merciful act. You must kill it before the agony starts. You did save a fox that day and I will die a horrible death. We are all puppets to destiny, Saves a Fox...

Dies Horribly: ...even you.

-

Saves a Fox: But...

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-

► Show Spoiler

Dies Horribly: Aw geez, the last thing I wanted to do was hurt you, Fox.

Dies Horribly: It's just that... I will die, probably very soon, and I need you to understand that.
Saves a Fox: I did save a fox. I saved it from that pain. All this time, I thought I was stronger than destiny.

Dies Horribly: At first it didn't occur to me that it was Sunset Fever, but after I'd thought about it...

Saves a Fox: Aaahh!

Grem: Something's wrong with Fox. I have to get back over there.
K'seliss: That's not a battle cry, that's a whiny, over reaction cry. You're a moron.
Door: fire.

Grem: I'm a moron because I want to help Fox?!
K'seliss: That's exactly why you're a moron. You're a protector, I get it, but so is Fox. She doesn't want a male to protect her, she wants a male that she can protect.
Door: bear... ar...

K'seliss: That's why she^ll probably end up with that shaky thing. If you really want a chance with her, you should bite off her finger and eat it. I ate a female's finger once. She was really impressed until this jerk from my clan ate her leg.

K'seliss: I couldn't compete with that guy. Y'see, I was full. I'd eaten an Elk that morning and...
Grem: Please stop talking.

K'seliss: Gaah! Why won't this stupid door open!?
Door: fires his arrows, proud that he'll never miss. But

Grem: Is that a battle cry or a whiny, over reaction cry?

Door: ..or until the two
SFX: Clicliclic

Door: door until the
SFX. Click
Grem: Two Dragons have to kiss, see?

[Krulle]

► Show Spoiler

Kin: I'm actually glad that you wanted to make camp early. I haven't been allowed to sleep in a long time and I'm exhausted.
Badge: MM
Beltbuckle: I am great
Helmet: This is a helmet

-

-

Minmax: So, are you going to take a walk while I... you know?
Forgath: Kill her? Nope.

Minmax: What? You said that if we made camp, you'd leave so I could...
Forgath: No, I said that I didn't want to by anywhere near when you did it. If you want to murder her, go find a clearing or something. I'm staying by the fire.

Minmax: Why are you being such a Dragon's ass about this? I'm not going to murder it. I'm going to kill it in battle. Fair combat. The way it should be.
Badge: MM

Badge: MM
Beltbuckle: I a. .re..

Minmax: Whatever. I'm gonna go find a clearing for this.

-

Kin: Mmm...
Kin: ...mm...

Kin: ...mmmaaah!

► Show Spoiler

-

Kin: Where's Minmax?
Forgath: He went for a walk.

-

Kin: He's going to try to kill me, isn't he?

-

-

Forgath: You should just go. Leave now.
Kin: But what did I do to...
Forgath: Minmax just... doesn't understand. He will kill you. You have to run away.

Kin: I don't run away.
Forgath: Well you know what I mean. Slither away or whatever.

-

Flashback (Dellyn Goblinslayer): Raah! Your potions aren't working!
Flashback (Elite guard): Sir, the pipe did a lot of damage. It will take these healing potions hours to heal a wound of this sort.

Flashback (Elite guard): Sir, we've captured your Yuan-ti pet.

Flashback (Dellyn Goblinslayer): Perfect.

► Show Spoiler

Flashback: -

Flashback (Dellyn Goblinslayer): I know everything there is to know about torture. Yet, every time you fail to escape me, you feel a pain that I could never bestow upon you. I find that... delicious.

Flashback (Dellyn Goblinslayer): I want to relish that pain now. Tell me about how you feel.

Flashback: -

Flashback (Dellyn Goblinslayer): That's fine, I'll just magically force you to talk.

Flashback (Dellyn Goblinslayer): Tell me, in great detail, what you're thinking, Kin.

Flashback (Kin): I...
Flashback (Kin): I wasn't your enemy when you captured me. You keep looking for new ways to make me suffer, though the worst thing that I try to do to you is leave. Our actions toward each other are so different.

Flashback (Kin): I realise now, that in order to reach the necessary sum of this equation, we must have similar values.

Flashback (Kin): Since you remain a constant in this scenario, I am forced to be the one to alter my own goal. This will create a new result to the equation.
Flashback (Dellyn Goblinslayer): I don't understand.

-

Flashback (Kin): I swear with words not yet written, on Gods not yet born...
Flashback (Kin): ...I will never run away again.

► Show Spoiler

Forgath: Where are you going? That way leads to Minmax.

Kin. I don't run away.

-

-

Badge: MM

-

Minmax: ...
Minmax: There is nothing normal about you. Nothing. Not a single thing. If there was, I could see you as something other than XP. I could adventure with you. But you don't have one normal thing about you.

Minmax: So...
Minmax: Um...
Badge: MM

Sign: Happoee Bihjaey
Minmax: Happy Birthday
Beltbuckle: am great

► Show Spoiler

-

Kin: You... caught mice?

Kin: But you expressed disdain toward my eating habits.
Minmax: Yeah it's gross, but everyone is supposed to have their favourite food on their birthday.
Badge: MM

-

Kin: What's that?
Minmax: That? Well that's your present. You get a present.
Badge: MM
Beltbuckle: I am great

Kin: Why?

Minmax: Why? I dunno, it's just... I guess... It's just a way for people to say "I'm glad that you were born".
Badge: MM

Minmax: So...
Minmax: I'm glad that you were born.
Minmax: Or whatever.

-

Minmax: I made it myself.

Minmax: It's a necklace.

Minmax: It says "Kin".
Necklace: KEN
Badge: MM
Beltbuckle: I am great

► Show Spoiler

-

-

Badge: MM
Beltbuckle: I am

Badge: MM
Beltbuckle: I am great

Minmax: Um... This isn't going the way that I... Look, sometimes I do stupid things. Let's just... Let's just forget this whole idea.
Badge: MM
Beltbuckle: I am

Minmax: I'll get rid of all this stuff. Give me the necklace and I'll...
Badge: MM
Beltbuckle: I am great

Necklace: ..N

Badge: MM
Beltbuckle: I am great

-

-

Kin: This is the most wonderful thing that anyone has ever done for me.
Minmax: Seriously? This? This is the most wonderful thing?

Minmax: I'm pretty sure I got the sign wrong, I suck at making cages so most of the mice are escaping and I think one of them might be a squirrel.
Badge: MM

Kin: Three of them.
Minmax: Really? Damn.
Kin: And one frog.
Badge: MM
Beltbuckle: I am great

Minmax: What about that one?
Kin: Furry mushroom.
Badge: MM
Beltbuckle: I am great

Hidden Content

This board requires you to be registered and logged-in to view hidden content.

► Show Spoiler

-

-

-

-

Helmet: This is a helmet

Minmax: Hi Forgath.
Helmet: This is a helmet

Kin: Hello Forgath.
Helmet: This is a helmet
Necklace: KEN
Badge: MM
Beltbuckle: I am great

Helmet: This is a helmet
Necklace: KEN
Badge: MM
Beltbuckle: I am grea.

Helmet: This is a helmet
Necklace: KEN
Badge: MM
Beltbuckle: I am grea.

Helmet: This is a helmet
Necklace: KEN
Badge: MM
Beltbuckle: I am gre..

Forgath: Who's Ken?
Helmet: This is a helmet
Necklace: KEN
Badge: MM

[Krulle]

► Show Spoiler

Complains of Names: Ears, I've been curious about something. Can paladins use swear words?

Big Ears: Sure, we can swear. I just choose not to.

Complains of Names: You should try it.
Big Ears: No.
Complains of Names: C'mon, say "crap".
Big Ears: "Crap" isn't a swear word.

Big Ears: Okay everyone, I'm going to throw my axe across the river. It'll hopefully anchor itself amongst those rocks. Then we can tie the other end of this rope to a tree. At that point, we'll have a safety line and we can cross the river.

Thaco: You sure you can throw it that far?
Big Ears: Sure. I mean... I think so.

Complains of Names: If you throw your axe into those rocks, you might damage it.
Big Ears: Naw, only magic can damage a magic item.

Chief (magic): Bull's Strength!
SFX: Fwuff

Complains of Names: See? Clerics can swear.
Chief: I said strength, Complains.
Chief: It'll only last four hours, but it'll help you throw your axe far enough.
Big Ears: Thanks!

Big Ears: Eyaah!

-

-

-

Big Ears: Shit.

► Show Spoiler

Chief: Maybe we can walk across the river without the rope. It's not that deep.
Thaco: It's fast though. It might just wash us away.

Complains of Names: Guys, the entrance to Depths of the Dragon's Maw should be really close. If we're too afraid to cross a river, how are we supposed to have the courage to enter a dungeon crawl?

Chief: I never laid claim to that kind of courage. You're forcing me into that crawl against my better judgement.

Big Ears: Chief, can you cast Bull's Strength on the other? The strength bonus can help them cross as well.
Forehead Fumbles: Monster

Complains of Names: How is a strength bonus supposed to help us, Ears? Balance checks are dexterity based.

Big Ears: What? It's a strength check, not a balance check. We're using our strength to fight against the river that's trying to push us over.

Complains of Names: Wrong, we're trying to keep our balance in the river! By your logic, I'd have to make a strength check against the gravity that tries to push me off a tree branch!
Big Ears: That's completely different! Gravity doesn't push, it pulls!

Complains of Names: Gravity doesn't pull!
Thaco: Y'know, if one of them gets washed away, I'm not going after them.
Chief: You kidding? I'm this close to ordering you, as your chief, to go drown them.

Complains of Names: You have no idea how the world works! And if you know so much about balance, why do you keep stumbling back there?
Big Ears: You guys are lighter than me, and these rocks can support you! Everytime I step on them, they flip around!

Goblin: Huff
Goblin: Huff
Goblin: Huff
Goblin: Huff
Goblin: Huff
Goblin: Huff
Forehead Fumbles: Monster

Complains of Names: I guess it doesn't really matter what checks we made, as long as we're all alive, right?
Big Ears: Exactly.

Big Ears: Even though it was a strength check.
Complains of Names: You're a big, yellow boob!

SFX: Kathunk

[Krulle]

► Show Spoiler

SFX: Kathunk

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Chief: Ears?

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SFX: Kathunk Kathunk Kathunk
Forehead Fumbles: Monster

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Thaco: Kore!

Thaco: Run!
Forehead Fumbles: Monster

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► Show Spoiler

Thaco: Ears, I've got your axe! Complains, hurry up!
Complains of Names: I'm trying! Fumbles won't run very fast!

Big Ears: I have to stop for a moment to heal Chief! That patch of grass over there looks good.
Chief: Nnn!
Thaco: Okay, but make it quick!

Chief: Aah!
Thaco: Stairs? What the hell is this?

Big Ears (magic): Lay on Hands!
SFX: SsssssssssRumble

Complains of Names: Look across the bridge! That has to be the entrance! That's the Depths of the Dragon's Maw!

Complains of Names: We can lose Kore in the dungeon crawl!

Thaco: Not a chance. We'll be dead before we reach the entrance.
Complains of Names: What?

Thaco: That bridge is flat, very long and has no cover. When Kore reaches these stairs, we'll all be halfway across with nowhere to go but down. With those crossbows of his, he'll easily destroy us.

Big Ears: But there's nowhere else to go! Look side to side in either direction, it's a sheer drop off after fifty feet!

Thaco: Well we can't fight Kore! Even with our adventuring levels, if we fight him, we die!

Complains of Names: Then we die!
SFX: Ca-Click

[Krulle]

► Show Spoiler

Big Ears: No, it doesn't have to be that way! I'll stay behind and fight Kore while the rest of you cross the bridge.

Thaco: I just told you that we can't defeat him, Ears!
Big Ears: I don't have to defeat him, I only have to keep him busy for awhile. You'd better take the axe though, I don't want Kore to get it.

Chief: That plan won't work.
Big Ears: Sure it will, I'll...
Chief: The bolt that hit my back was a critical hit. It shattered my spine. I can't walk or even stand and just like Complains' arm, we don't have the magic needed to fix it.

Complains of Names: What?
Big Ears: No!
Chief: Even with Big Ears staying behind, you'd have to carry me. I'd slow us down and we'd all die.

Chief: There's only one thing to do. I'm staying behind to fight Kore. The rest of you are escaping into that dungeon crawl.

Complains of Names: You can't even move your legs, how are you supposed to fight Kore?!
Chief: Just like Ears said, I only have to keep him busy for a while.

Big Ears: We are not abandoning our chief!
Chief: As your chief, I am giving you a direct order! Go! Now!

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Big Ears: I can't...
Big Ears: ...but...

Chief: They^re going to need you in there.
Chief: Go.

► Show Spoiler

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SFX: Thump Thump Thump Rustle

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[Krulle]

► Show Spoiler

Kore: Begging for your life will do you no good.

Chief: My name is Chief, member of the Goblin adventuring party and leader of the Clan of the Cryptic Fall.
Chief: And I'm not here to beg for my life.

Chief: I'm here to kill you.

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Chief: Yeaahh!

SFX: Tak Te-Tak Tak

SFX: Kaklick Kaklick

Chief (magic): Entropic Shield!
SFX: Fwuff

SFX: Thwonng
SFX: Kathunk Kathunk

SFX: Thwinng Thwonng
SFX: Kathunk Kathu.. .athunk Kathunk Kathunk

► Show Spoiler

Chief: Uh!

SFX: ShhhChuk

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SFX: Shhh

SFX: Cha Klick

SFX: Shhh

SFX: Klick

Chief (magic): Cure Moderate Wounds!
SFX: Foom

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Chief: Raaaaah!

SFX: Kathunk Kathu.. Kathunk Kathunk Kat... Kathu..

Chief: Coff
Lifepoints Chief: -4

► Show Spoiler

Lifepoints Chief: -4

Lifepoints Chief: -5

Kore (magic): Lay on Hands.
SFX: Rrumble

SFX: Rrrruumble

Chief: I...
Chief: I don't underst...

Kore: Your companions are trying to escape into a dungeon crawl. If they succeed, it could take me days to find them.

Kore: You're going to scream.

Goblin: Huff
Goblin: Huff
Goblin: Huff
Goblin: Huff
Goblin: Huff
Goblin: Huff

SFX (Chief screaming): Aaaaaeeeaahh! Aaaaaaaaaah!

[Krulle]

► Show Spoiler

Big Ears: What am I doing? What the hell am I doing?
Complains of Names: If we don't stay away from that Dwarf, then Chief's death is for nothing!

SFX (Chief screaming): Nyaaaaaahaaaa! Naaaaaah!
Forehead Fumbles: Monster

Thaco: That's not the sound of someone dying.
Forehead Fumbles: Monster

SFX (Chief screaming): Naaaeeeeyaa! Aaaaah!
Fumbles: Mmnaah!
Thaco: That's the sound of someone being tortured.
Forehead Fumbles: Monster

Big Ears: What?! Why?! Why would he do that?!
Thaco: He's giving us a choice. Either we go back and face him or we escape and let him continue to torture Chief for Gods know how long.

Big Ears: Then we go back!
Thaco: If we go back, we go back to die.
Big Ears: No! We go back to fight as hard as we're able! Together as a clan, the way we should have in the first place!
Forehead Fumbles: Monster

Thaco: Don't you dare lecture me on what a clan is! You think I'm running because of cowardice?! You think this doesn't hurt me?!
Big Ears: You don't even want to try to win! Tell me that isn't cowardice!
Complains of Names: Standing here yelling isn't going to...

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Forehead Fumbles (Senor Vorpal Kickass'o): Monster

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SFX: Ca-Click
SFX: Fawoom

► Show Spoiler

Kore: Your companions are not returning for you.

Kore: I need louder screams.
Lifepoints Chief: -5

SFX (Fumbles (Senor Vorpal Kickass'o)): Se├▒oooor Vorpaaaal...

Fumbles (Senor Vorpal Kickass'o): ...Kickass'ooooo!
Forehead Fumbles: Monster

► Show Spoiler

SFX: Thump
Forehead Fumbles: Monster

Fumbles (Senor Vorpal Kickass'o): Nnnn!
Forehead Fumbles: Monster

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SFX: Clang

Big Ears: Raaah!
Forehead Fumbles: Monster

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Kore: The axe.

Fumbles (Senor Vorpal Kickass'o): Uh!

Forehead Fumbles (Senor Vorpal Kickass'o): Monster

Fumbles (Senor Vorpal Kickass'o): Oof!
Forehead Fumbles: Monster

► Show Spoiler

SFX: Krunch

SFX: Krunch

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Complains of Names: Chief!
Thaco: Gods no.
Lifepoints Chief: -6

Thaco: Bind his wounds before he hits -10, then join us in the fight!
Complains of Names: Right.
Lifepoints Chief: -7
SFX: Shunk

Chief: I... I'm...
Chief: Gasp
Chief: Coff
Chief: ...I'm sorry.
Chief: I tried not to...
Chief: ...not to scream...
Lifepoints Chief: -7
SFX: Ripp

Complains of Names: It's okay Chief, I got you.
SFX: Rriiipp

SFX: Thwangk

Big Ears: Ah!

Thaco: Kore!

Thaco: Yer done with him.
Thaco: I'm your target now.

► Show Spoiler

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SFX: Clang

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SFX: Shlukk

Thaco: Gah!
Lifepoints Thaco: -8

Big Ears: Thaco!
Lifepoints Thaco: -8

SFX: Rriiipp
Complains of Names: Almost done, Chief. You're going to be o...
SFX: Crack
Lifepoints Chief: -8

Complains of Names: Eaaaah!
Lifepoints Thaco: -8

Complains of Names: My arm! Again? Not now. Gods, please not now.

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